Bisexual Dating for Men Without Having to Prove Anything

For bisexual men, this question has an annoying habit of showing up from both directions.

Tell a woman you’re bisexual and she may quietly wonder whether you’ll eventually decide you prefer men.

Tell a gay man you’ve mostly dated women and he may wonder whether you’re genuinely interested in men.

Neither assumption tells them much about you.

If you’re attracted to men and women, having more experience with one doesn’t cancel the other. And dating a man today doesn’t mean your attraction to women disappeared overnight.

You don’t need a mathematically balanced dating history.

What a potential match actually needs to know is much more practical:

Are you interested in them?

What kind of relationship are you open to?

Are you being straightforward about it?

Those questions are worth answering.

Proving that you’re “bi enough” isn’t.

Bisexual men dating women can run into a particular kind of skepticism:

“What if you miss being with men?”

But attraction doesn’t disappear when somebody enters a relationship.

A straight man in a committed relationship can still recognize other women as attractive. That doesn’t automatically mean he’s going to cheat.

The same principle applies here.

Being capable of attraction to men doesn’t make a bisexual man less capable of choosing one partner.

If you’re looking for monogamy, say so:

“I’m bisexual and monogamous when I’m in a relationship.”

That’s considerably more useful than trying to convince someone you’ll never notice another person again.

If someone cannot separate bisexuality from infidelity even after you’ve explained what you want, you may be dealing with incompatibility rather than a communication problem.

You don’t have to keep auditioning for their trust.

Privacy is a real concern for some bisexual men, and “just be completely open” isn’t always useful advice.

You may be comfortable putting bisexual directly on your dating profile.

You may be out to friends but not family.

You may tell people you’re dating while keeping your dating life private at work.

You may simply not want your sexuality broadcast beyond people who actually need to know.

Those are different choices.

Dating doesn’t require a public announcement.

But privacy and dishonesty aren’t the same thing.

If you’re building a relationship with someone, they deserve truthful information that affects that relationship. That doesn’t mean every coworker, acquaintance or person scrolling past your profile is entitled to the same access.

Decide your boundaries before someone else decides them for you.

And if privacy matters, pay attention to whether a match respects it.

Someone repeatedly pushing you to come out before you’re ready isn’t being supportive simply because they believe openness is good.

Curiosity about a bisexual partner is normal.

Interrogation isn’t.

You may get questions like:

Have you slept with more men or women?

What do you prefer?

When was the last time you were with a guy?

What exactly have you done with men?

You decide how much of that you want to answer.

Early dating doesn’t automatically entitle somebody to a detailed sexual résumé.

If you don’t want the conversation to go there yet:

“I’m happy to talk about being bi, but I’d rather get to know each other before we start comparing my dating history.”

Then see what they do.

A respectful person adjusts.

Someone who keeps pushing has answered a different question for you: how well do they handle a boundary?

That’s valuable information before a first date.